The Alchemy of A Warrior: Linda Phillips’ Journey of Pain, Hope and Light

Compassion and altruism are the most apparent virtues that shine in the eyes of Linda Phillips upon our initial introduction. It is Valentine’s Day of 2018 and I am beyond excited to interview the woman who started a mental health revolution in Athens, Georgia, in September of 2000, when the doors of Nuçi’s Space opened. Athens is known internationally as a mecca for talented musicians, but along with that influx of talent is the often stigmatized layer of mental illness and substance abuse that variegates the souls who play and sing.

“Nuçi’s Space” and the “Nuçi Phillips Memorial Foundation” are the loving keystones that provide support to those struggling with life and mental illness. Both stand as a permanent homage in loving memory of Nuçi himself and gifted to the community by Linda Phillips and the Phillips family, respectively.

In November 1996, Linda Phillips lost her brilliantly-talented and sensitive younger son Nuçi Phillips to a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The devastation, grief, and insurmountable loss had begun brewing many years prior while he was a young teenager. Clinical depression had reared itself early on. Nuçi’s first suicide attempt in high school brought painful awareness to the family. Linda Phillips had been an R.N. in psychiatric care years before and Pierre Phillips, Nuçi’s father, is an M.D. No amount of book or on-the-job knowledge could prepare them for the tragedy to come.

From the beginning of his brief time, Nuçi possessed a maturity, a deep empathy, and an inner-acknowledgment of the sacred nature of life. As a child, Linda was often struck by his sensitivity and concern for others. Music touched his soul and from around age 3 he had a natural talent for it. In speaking with Linda and reading her autobiographical account of life with Nuçi, “A Beautiful Here,” I was imprinted with the eerie thread that music wove through his life and depression. His initial attempt to take his life happened on a Friday evening when his family planned on seeing an orchestral performance. His last show prior to passing was at the 40 Watt Club on Halloween in 1996. He and his band Koncak had recently finished their debut album :Only When The Right Side Glows.” The curtain fell far too soon for Nuçi, but in a testimony to the human spirit, his mother and giver-of-life, Linda, has embarked on a nearly 20-year movement to carry the songs in the key of his life to help others.

For centuries in continents across the globe and even now, a warrior is defined by her ability to transmute the shadow into the Light. A warrior moves pain, suffering, and confusion into transformative powers such as love, grace, and compassion. Inner strength, wisdom, and the ability to keep moving no matter what are definitive characteristics as well. Linda Phillips embodies every definition of a warrior. She was born into a household with an alcoholic father. Throughout a tumultuous childhood, she held onto the hope that life would get better. As a young adult, she met Pierre Phillips. The connection was instantaneous and has lasted much of this lifetime. Together they enjoyed an idyllic early marriage with military service, medical internships and residency, and the birth of two beautiful boys, K.P. and Nuçi. Living comfortably and humbly, the Phillips family enjoyed the simple things in life and espoused good values.

Unfortunately, no amount of synthetic knowledge can prepare a family for deep depression, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and the devastation that comes from the aftermath of such an indelible loss. Often self-searching is a fruitless quest, for only the sufferer truly knows the depth of his or her pain. In the days, months, and years after Nuçi’s passing, Linda Phillips felt numb and almost uncommunicative with her life.

In “A Beautiful Here” she describes experiencing colors more vividly, tastes more savory, and feelings more vibrantly once joy returned a few years after his passing, but the hole that Nuçi left in her heart ached just as strongly. She knew that one day she would be able to help someone through her pain and loss. That one day happened in 1999. Linda Phillips remembered a particularly touching story about a missing leather jacket that had belonged to Nuçi. He came home from school without it and she figured it had been lost. Only through further investigation did she find out he had donated it to a coat bin for the needy. Between Nuçi’s wild and strong heart, his deep depression, and his giving spirit, she decided that she must proceed with helping musicians who struggle with depression, substance abuse, and stifled access to medical care.

After a particularly rough bout with his depression at UC Santa Cruz, Nuçi had been humiliated with expulsion due to his depression. He returned to Georgia and was admitted to the University of Georgia. Depression, a disease the same as diabetes or cardiac arrhythmia, cannot be healed by a geographical change, but Nuçi flourished in Athens while still struggling with the disease that would eventually vanquish his life.

Through her veil of tears and heartache, Linda Phillips created the 501(c)(3) non-profit “The Nuçi Phillips Memorial Foundation.” Between the campus of UGA and downtown Athens sits a lovingly restored old machine shop that provides community resources to Athens musicians who suffer with depression and/or substance abuse issues. All counseling and medical services are provided offsite by medical professionals. The building itself has a treasure trove of nice practice spaces for musicians, meeting spaces for local support groups such as 12-step programs and Survivors of Suicide groups. Twice a year, Camp-Amped is a band camp supported by local musicians such as Betsy Franck, Dan Nettles, and Patterson Hood (Drive By Truckers), that provides tutelage to young up-and-coming musicians. All of these gifts are courtesy of the struggling, suffering, and sadness of a young, beautiful man and the determination and will of his warrior of a mother, Linda Phillips.

As a last testimony of the strength, acceptance, and grace of the human spirit, I want to share where the title of “A Beautiful Here” comes from. The title originated in a dream that Linda Phillips had after Nuçi passed away. The family was traveling to California on a road trip and Linda, K.P., and Nuçi were in the backseat while Pierre was driving. With his elbow on his brother’s knee, Nuçi said “I know I shouldn’t have done it when I did, but it didn’t hurt. I just closed my eyes and I was here.”

Linda asked him if he could, would he come back?

Nuçi replied, “Oh no, mama, it is too beautiful here.”

Thank you Nuçi and thank you, Linda, for making Athens, Georgia and Nuçi’s Space a most beautiful here.

“A Beautiful Here”  by Linda Phillips can be purchased at Nuci’s Space or at www.nuçi.org. All proceeds from the book sale go to support Nuçi’s Space. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, the National Suicide Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.